The Perimenopause Show with Jennifer Woodward

Sailing Together Through Perimenopause: How to Rock Support with Your Spouse!

• Jennifer Woodward • Season 1 • Episode 6

Share episode

Navigating the tides of perimenopause, my husband Beau and I uncover the raw truths of partnership during this transformative phase. As we share our story, it's like peeling back the layers of our marriage, revealing how we've juggled parenting four remarkable kids with the unpredictable waves of hormonal changes. This episode isn't just about the struggles; it's a testament to the power of communication, empathy, and shared laughter that can keep a relationship buoyant even when the waters get choppy.

Beau and I don't shy away from the intimate details, discussing how we've kept the spark alive amid the ebb and flow of desire during perimenopause. Evening walks have become our sanctuary, a rhythm we've woven into the fabric of our lives to connect and stay in sync. It's these small yet potent rituals that fortify our bond, and we spill our secrets on nurturing intimacy and maintaining that crucial emotional closeness. Through candid conversations, we aim to show how embracing change can lead to a deeper, more resilient partnership.

As we round out our heart-to-heart, the spotlight turns to the broader picture of family well-being, touching on how diet and lifestyle choices ripple through our home. From our son's nutritional discipline to the challenges faced by our daughter, we explore the intricate dance of hormones and how they influence mood and relationships. Beau and I believe in the strength of leaning on friends and fostering community, a shared journey that enriches not just our own marriage but the lives of those around us. Join us as we chart the course of perimenopause together, offering a beacon for others navigating these waters in their relationships.

Reach out to us!

Support the show

Let’s Connect!

I’d love to hear from you! Whether you have a question, a topic you’d like me to cover, or just want to say hello, here’s where you can find me:

Thank you for tuning in to The Perimenopause Show! Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and if you enjoyed this one, share it with a friend who might need it. Together, we’re turning perimenopause into a conversation, not a crisis.

See you next time! 💖

Jennifer Woodward:

In today's show, we'll be talking about the importance of support from your partner as you go through perimenopause. We'll be talking about communication and how specifically to support your spouse or partner in perimenopause. We'll be talking a little bit about changes in intimacy in your thirties and forties, and we'll be discussing ways that you can educate yourself to become more patient and understanding and have a really healthy lifestyle as a team, because if one person is just trying to get healthy, the other person can definitely be an impediment to that. So we found that if we do healthy things together, it tends to work a little bit better, and that's our goal, and you know what we want for you listening to this show, so dive in with us. I can't wait to chat about perimenopause with Beau. Number one cause I love him, and number two because it's fun getting the perspective of hormones from a man. Right, hey, there it's Jennifer Woodward, and welcome to the perimenopause show, the go-to spot for all things perimenopause. I'm on a mission to demystify this wild ride, sharing stories, laughs and maybe a few eye rolling moments. Whether you're knee deep in hot flashes or just curious, we've got you covered. Expect real talk, expert guests and a sprinkle of humor because, let's face it, we could all use a laugh during perimenopause. So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's navigate this rollercoaster together.

Jennifer Woodward:

This is the Perimenopause Show, where we're turning perimenopause into a conversation, not a crisis. Turning perimenopause into a conversation, not a crisis. Hello and welcome back to the perimenopause show. I'm Jennifer Woodward and in today's show we have a very exciting guest. This is my person. This is Beau, my husband. We've been married for 21 years. It's very fitting that he is my first guest, because he really is the coolest person in my life. You know, some days I'm in perimenopause so I don't really like him, but most days he's pretty cool and I can't wait to introduce you guys to him. So welcome Bo. How's it going Good?

Beau Woodward:

Thanks for having me on your show, Jenny.

Jennifer Woodward:

I remember you told me when we first started filming the podcast babe, nobody wants to listen to you monologue for 30 minutes or 60 minutes. So you did encourage me to have some guests on the show and you are my first guest, so so glad, so glad to have you here. So let's talk a little bit about you know our backstory, how we came together. You know how we got married a long time ago and a little bit about our family. You want to start, sure? I mean, you know how we got married a long time ago and a little bit about our family. You want to start, sure.

Beau Woodward:

I mean, we met, you know, at Morgan Stanley, bakersfield and started dating within a few months of meeting each other. Then you went away to college and we had a long-distance relationship and then we decided that we were either going to break up or get married. So we ended up getting married.

Jennifer Woodward:

I think about it like we were either going to kill each other or get married. I'm glad we got married.

Beau Woodward:

Is that like an early phase of perimenopause or?

Jennifer Woodward:

You know, when you're, when you're yoked with a woman, you're with her through good and bad, and we know, you know obviously your hormones are not as affected by things as my hormones. You know, women are created to have babies and so clearly our hormones are going to be a little bit more sensitive than men's hormones. And I have to say it's been 21 years and I am so grateful for the patience that you have given me through these hormone fluctuations. We've had how many babies together.

Beau Woodward:

Four, and I'm very grateful as well. The patience goes both ways, I know.

Jennifer Woodward:

Cool, thanks, babe. Oh man, so there, there have just been, you know, a lot of ebbs and flows. Like you said, we have four kids. I was 17 when we got married, so we were basically still kids and we kind of grew up together. We went through a lot together. I'm sure there's a lot more to come, but by God's grace, I feel like he has us in a good place right now Raising these four Harafskallians. We have three teenagers and one 12 year old, so we are definitely in the thick of it, huh.

Beau Woodward:

Yes, yes, we are. The Lord is very gracious to have delivered us through many different fun challenges and trials and I'm sure there will be a few more over the next 10 years, hopefully more so with the kids than us. But you know.

Jennifer Woodward:

Yep, yep, and, and like you said, and we've been talking about this, we are in this together and as a woman goes through perimenopausal changes, it feels funny to be talking about this in the third person, but also in the first person. You know we we need support, right? One of the main things that I've kind of realized over the last couple of years is that I tend to get very irritated the week before my period. My patients runs quite thin. I'm dealing with kind of like anger and suppressed rage. Sometimes I think of that line from the Hulk where he says my secret is I'm always angry and sometimes I feel that way. And as an FDN, like a trained practitioner, I realized there are, you know, legitimate hormonal fluctuations that are going on underneath the surface. But that doesn't discount the fact that I still need to practice being patient, I still need to practice having self-control, and so you know those two things together are going to be really important as women transition through this perimenopausal time.

Jennifer Woodward:

You guys have been listening to the show enough. You know that perimenopause generally affects women between the ages of 35 and 50. It can last, between you know, five and 15 years. So that's a long time for two people who love each other to be struggling with a woman's, you know anger, frustration, irritation, um, and mood swings, and that's you know not what we want for you, our, our spouses and our partners, and it's certainly not what we want for ourselves. So let's talk about you know, some specific ways that you know a spouse or a partner can can really support the woman going through perimenopause. So one of the first things I want to talk about is your understanding of perimenopause, cause this has been now a buzzword in our home for months. You know you're helping me film Instagram reels. We're talking about this. That's what the book is about. So I think you probably have a better understanding than do most husbands. But from your understanding, what, what is perimenopause?

Beau Woodward:

I mean it's you feel like you're putting me on the spot a little bit. I'm definitely no expert in this, obviously, but from my very basic understanding of perimenopause, it is a kind of phase transition in a woman's body where her hormones and body changes in a way that causes her to be maybe unstable, or maybe it kind of reminds me of actually more like when you were pregnant a little bit. Just in a very basic kind of way, you seem like things are up in the air a little bit more for you emotionally on a daily basis, and I mean you do a good job, but it definitely seems like you're, you know, holding back crazy a little bit more than you were maybe a year ago. You know holding back the crazy a little bit more than you were maybe a year ago.

Jennifer Woodward:

Yep, that's fair to say, that's totally fair to say and I would concur and that is my experience, and that's the experience I know of millions of women like holding back the crazy, I think, is a good, a good phrase. We know, you know, from a biochemical perspective, that estrogen levels are fluctuating wildly. Progesterone tends to lower in perimenopause and progesterone is that hormone that makes us feel settled and happy, it gives us a normal period, it helps us sleep deeply throughout the night, it balances our moods and we can see this general progressive decline of progesterone if we start testing hormones between the ages of 35 and 50. So that's one of the things that I've been trying to, you know, be cognizant of, is is getting those progesterone levels back to relatively normal. But that doesn't discount the fact that other symptoms are happening, you know, as those estrogen levels fluctuate and other hormones fluctuate. So I think the two of us have seen, you know, changes in sleep, changes in mood, for sure, changes in energy. I do tend to get a little bit tired more often and now, recently, a couple like injuries in my life. That really is a result of a lot of that hormonal imbalance that tends to happen for those 15 years.

Jennifer Woodward:

So you put your hand up right. Do I call on you? Yes, bo.

Beau Woodward:

Oh, I don't know, I was going to also. You know, I know that perimenopause is affecting your hormones, but then when you're also trying to balance your hormones, it also adds like an additional element of volatility, depending on how that balancing act, you know, unfolds over the course of a few weeks or a month.

Jennifer Woodward:

Yeah, that's excellent.

Jennifer Woodward:

Yeah, I know you will ask me often are you doing something different? Did you change your diet? Are you on some hormones? Cause number one, that's what I do Like, that's just me.

Jennifer Woodward:

And number two, you know it tends to be a little bit more aggressive in perimenopause that we might have to go in and make some of those adjustments and changes not for everyone just depending on what we find on lab work and trying to mitigate those symptom changes. But yes, you know it takes a good three cycles for a woman's hormones to balance when you do start any new intervention. So you know, three months, three full cycles for that ovarian follicle to reach maturity and any, you know, disruptions in lifestyle or, you know, diet or stress levels during that time can definitely affect hormones, you know, during those 90 to a hundred days. So generally it's going to take about three months after implementing some new hormonal intervention for hormones to relatively balance out. What are some challenges you? You know my, my husband, my spouse, my partner, my best friend, what are? What are some challenges for you in our relationship as we've kind of entered these perimenopausal years? I don't know just the.

Beau Woodward:

you know, some of the synchronicity that we have had for the last decade feels a little bit off, so that when you're married to someone you know them so intimately and well that you just feel like you're in sync.

Beau Woodward:

And I could read you much better, I think, in the past than I can over the last few months, and I think even for yourself. What I've noticed is you might not even be quite sure what is bothering you underneath, and so when I ask you if you're okay, then you're not really even sure that you have an answer necessarily and you just say you're fine, even though I know you're not fine, and so that creates a perplexing situation in terms of how to be helpful, you know, because ultimately neither of us want to be arguing about something silly, and so we both try to punt. You know the conversation a little bit, but then I can still tell that you're irritated, and so it's like, uh and, and so then I have to just be okay with you being a little bit more intense, maybe for a few hours perhaps, or maybe even just a few minutes, never know. And so that's definitely. I think, really probably even the only significant challenge from a practical side of things is adjusting in our relationship to that.

Beau Woodward:

Love it, if that makes sense.

Jennifer Woodward:

That totally makes sense. And I think that brings us to a good next point that communication is so important, not only for, you know, marriage or relationship in general, but definitely during times of flux, you know, in a relationship. So, being open and being honest, I think I just heard from you like maybe it's a little bit more important if I'm not doing well that I'm being, you know, very clear about that and I've actually, you know, had clients who will tell their husbands you know, I'm about to start my period. It's not you, I'm not mad at you. I just feel a little crazy for these couple of days. So I'm hoping you don't take anything personally and I know I've said some variation of that to you, you know, at different times over the past couple of years, but I'm probably saying it with a crazy look on my face, so I don't know how it comes across to you from your perspective. What would be some communication strategies? You know, as, as husbands and wives are dealing with that.

Beau Woodward:

Well, I think first, just identifying that you're in perimenopause is extremely helpful. It gives you something to say, you know, when things get a little off center, if you will, or sideways between the two of us. Like knowing that you're in perimenopause, having identified that, gives me kind of a lot more understanding to be gracious and patient and understanding and flexible and considerate maybe. And then. So that's the first thing. That is very helpful, identifying that, I think. The second thing is also I wouldn't recommend framing it in the context of pre-period volatility and emotional angst, I think, because from just what little I've observed, it's not necessarily tied to pre-period. Sure, the day or two before might be a little sketchy, but really it's the changing hormones throughout the month that can cause one or two days here or there to be a little bit off.

Jennifer Woodward:

In my very limited experience with this, so allowing for that is helpful you know, to being open to the fact that changes might not be linear or cyclical on a daily basis.

Jennifer Woodward:

Right, Right, Got it, yes. So I would say like at this point, I mean you, you were a college athlete, you run your own business, Like you were an intense, driven man, which I love. That about you. In the past I feel like you've had a little bit of trouble being empathetic, but these past couple of years you've been way more empathetic and understanding, and maybe that's God's grace that you know women don't go through this change until they're in their forties generally, and so we're all just a little bit more laid back. But you know, can you talk a little bit about maybe the importance or tips for being understanding and empathetic from husbands who are just kind of blindsided by these weird changes in their wives?

Beau Woodward:

Yes, so you already hit on the main one communication, kind of hand in hand with that would be the idea of having patience in the communication process and allowing for either one of the spouses to not really know what's pissing them off for lack of a better term or causing them to be irritated and frustrated. I think also being proactive in just throwing out ideas for if it's one kid versus another kid, versus something going on at the kid's school versus, you know, something going on at work, you know and and it can be helpful in identifying what's really kind of causing the additional angst at that moment. You know kind of very simple, consistent communication techniques going along with. You know any sort of. I feel like this is stuff we learned in marital counseling. You know in the first 10 years of marriage. You know valuable communication skills are, you know, incredibly helpful throughout the process.

Beau Woodward:

I think also regular exercise is very helpful. I know when I get to work out throughout the week, my stress and my frustrations are lower and my patience is higher. My irritability is lower. I noticed that for you as well. You know when you can get into the we have a barn, so into the gym slash barn for exercise. You know with throughout the week. It helps you quite a bit. I think also are just between you and me, and I don't know how other people could apply this. But when I, you know, go out back to grill and you come out to kind of sit and relax with me and chat, you know, I see that being very helpful with you throughout the week as well. Even when you come out and we don't talk much, for the first little bit you just seem like you settle in, and then all of a sudden I start hearing kind of a swirling around upstairs for you in your brain, whether it's regarding the kids or school or work or any of the stuff I already mentioned.

Beau Woodward:

So you seem like having that kind of semi-quiet time where it's just you and me out there hanging out while I'm cooking. You know, is very helpful for you to kind of digesting, even internally, what is in your head to the point where you need to talk about it with me or want to talk about it with me and process that.

Jennifer Woodward:

So I love that.

Jennifer Woodward:

I literally love that part of our day and week and maybe for you know, you ladies who are listening, that doesn't necessarily jive with you, but you do create some intentional space with your husband where you go out to dinner or you literally just eat dinner by yourselves on the front porch or in a back room, or you go for a walk together or you meet for coffee.

Jennifer Woodward:

I mean some sort of way to be very intentional about maintaining not only communication but also proximity to each other. And you know that, that intentional kind of diving into each other's lives. I know that I feel more unconnected, disconnected from you, if we're not, you know, intentionally talking almost every day, because we have four kids, we have businesses, we have busy lives, we are, you know, constantly on the go, and so it can be very easy to feel disconnected from you because we're not, you know, intentionally around each other. So I think that is our little little niche thing that we do, you know, hanging out while you barbecue, but there are lots of other ways that people could go about doing that.

Beau Woodward:

Yeah, go ahead. I would actually throw out there as well. We have done that for coffee in the morning in the past, consistently over the last two decades, and coffee can be unhelpful in that process Having some of our conversations If either of us get a little bit hopped up on caffeine. I don't think I can remember one time where we got an argument in the evening, whereas in the morning, when we're both having coffee and we have the angst of all the stuff we have to go do that day in front of us as well, we can be a little bit more combative in those conversations. So I love that time in the morning where we are sitting around reading our Bibles and having a cup of coffee and chatting just a little bit.

Beau Woodward:

There can be a temptation to use that time specifically for syncing up with your spouse, and if that works for somebody else then that's great for us. It's definitely. It's not that less is more, it's just that if we do get into an argument, usually it's when we're having our coffee in the morning, you know, over an issue, whereas in the evening we're like the day's done, we're all a little more relaxed and it's much more of a cathartic exercise in the evening than it is in the morning.

Jennifer Woodward:

Yeah, wise words from Bo Woodward. I love that, and you're totally trucking with a lot of. You know what we've already talked about on this show that women don't do well in their thirties and forties when they're drinking lots of coffee, when they are not eating in the mornings, right, when they're already in some sort of fight or flight mode and their body just can't adapt to the extra stressors. So that's probably a lot of what we saw. I'm sure it was more me than you, Um, cause you're generally pretty, pretty level-headed and cool most of the time, but you know that that can be something that might help you guys who are listening to this show.

Jennifer Woodward:

You know, if you're drinking coffee on an empty stomach or if you're drinking lots of coffee in the morning, you can expect to have some, you know, of that fight or flight activation where maybe you are a little bit more combative, a little bit less understanding and a little bit, you know, more hormonal.

Jennifer Woodward:

So thanks for bringing that up, though, and I, yeah, I definitely like my quiet time in the morning and I like my time with you in the evenings, yep. So you know you brought up a couple of great things like intentional time together. You brought up working out. It's so, so true that you know, if neither one of us are working out for you know, more than a few days, we are a little bit more angsty, a little bit more frustrated. Just that healthy kind of um stress management and stress relief can be very, very beneficial, not only for us like ourselves, but then for a relationship together, because we don't bring that stress and angst into our communication with each other or time spent together. So besides, you know, working out, besides intentional time together, are there a few more things that you can recommend to bring these healthy lifestyle changes, kind of this teamwork together, things that we are doing or could do together to help balance my hormones.

Beau Woodward:

I mean for me. I would 100% say that, like reading our Bibles in the morning, helps us a ton. So if people aren't doing that, I would highly encourage them to just read even the chapter or a short passage from the Bible every morning if possible. It helps me to also finish my day that way, reading a little you know book on theology or a little passage of scripture or something like that. But then, apart from that, I think you know I notice our walks together. When we can do, those are very helpful, not only for us but for our dogs, and it gives us, you know, more time to process and discuss things that sometimes we might ignore and might kind of pile up and become a problem later on.

Beau Woodward:

I think that, depending on how old well, I guess everybody who's perimenopause is going to be roughly middle-aged, and so looking forward to short trips where you can get away, I've noticed helps you a lot. You have something. Having something to look forward to short trips where you can get away, I've noticed helps you a lot. You have something. Having something to look forward to, whether that's a holiday or an actual trip somewhere, seems to give you. Take your focus off of whatever's bothering you on a daily or weekly basis and put it on, you know, a vacation or hiking trip or skiing like we just did this weekend. Yeah well, you didn't get get to, but you still got to walk around a little bit, hobble around, and so you know, there was one other one I was gonna oh yeah concerts that we've gone to over the last few years have been easy little you know.

Beau Woodward:

One day trips to kind of get away, overnight trips, those have been nice. Music definitely helps both of us. No, it's not for everybody, but there's one other one, and it's slipping my mind now that I was going to say, but I'll think of it.

Jennifer Woodward:

Okay, cool. I wanted to kind of go back to those walks, just because that's one of the things that we talk about a lot, you know, here at the show and in my business is is getting outside, like having regular movement outside. I usually recommend 10,000 steps a day. The literature shows that that's very effective for weight management and also mood balance, and so you know you just being really willing to walk with me. You know, in the evenings one lap around our block here is a mile. So we walk a mile, you know, in the evenings as often as we can, and that that puts us at about 3000 or 4,000 steps.

Jennifer Woodward:

So that's a very enjoyable way for me to get a little bit of extra movement and feel settled and kind of ready for the evening and ready for bed. Gives us that time to connect, like you said, helps with the dogs, makes them dig less and be a little bit less, you know, excitable. So I love that part of. You know what we've done here too. I know that at our old house, like a couple of years ago, you didn't want to walk, which was a bummer, and now you want to walk, which I love. Another another point for getting older in perimenopause the two of us together.

Beau Woodward:

Yeah, are we going to talk about sex at all? Cause regular sex life definitely is helpful too.

Jennifer Woodward:

Let's do it. Let's do it. Yes, all right, it's true. It is so true, you know.

Jennifer Woodward:

And obviously in perimenopause women's libidos are going to look a little bit different. As estrogen levels fine, progesterone levels decline, testosterone levels decline. I see that on Dutch test after Dutch test after Dutch test, women are like I already had a low libido and now it is completely gone, and men are like what the hell? That is not fair.

Jennifer Woodward:

But being intentional, you know, being very intentional about like having that time together and maybe it's not as like amorous as it once was and exciting, but like more intentional, I think is very helpful for you know, creation of of pleasure, hormones like dopamine and serotonin that makes my brain feel good, right. Creation of that, that cuddling hormone, oxytocin, which literally makes me feel closer to you and closer to like other people in my life. That is super important. So my encouragement to women is even if you don't feel like it, make time right and just go for it. You know, make sure that a healthy sex life is part of your relationship with your partner, because it does so much more than just you know, it's just more than the act of sex right there. There's so much more at play for your hormones, especially in perimenopause. What are your thoughts?

Beau Woodward:

I would definitely agree with the idea of making it a priority, not just because of a man and all that kind of stereotypical thing, but because when we aren't able to be intimate over the course of a week, basically with each passing day after a week like it starts to bother me significantly in all kinds of strange ways that you know, even being a man and having experienced it for 20 plus years like I, are kind of surprising to me.

Beau Woodward:

It makes me more irritable. It makes me, you know, I like to say I'm a realist, but you like to say that I am a skeptic, and it makes me just like frustrated at worse husband and a worse father. So having that time there is incredibly valuable for me personally. I know that's selfish, but I also know that you know when your hormones are in flux, like I'm the buffer for you, so that you don't take this the wrong way, but you don't blow up on me or the kids, and so if I start to fall apart a little bit, then that exacerbates like the problem by an order of magnitude.

Jennifer Woodward:

It seems like and it's kind of a slippery slope Like it. You know, for a woman. If I'm already feeling irritated and frustrated, my libido is in the toilet. You know I'm kind of angry at everyone. Obviously you're going to be the object of my anger because you can handle it, and so I'm already feeling kind of frustrated with you and you're feeling frustrated because you know we haven't had sex for a couple of days and you know we're we're kind of bickering, so it doesn't necessarily increase. You know, like libidinous thoughts I don't know if that's a word, but you know increased libido or feelings, you know, when we're kind of frustrated with each other. And so I know, like a couple of times I've looked at you and I've said don't talk, don't talk till we're done. And we just do it and it's great, and then we both smile and we're happy. You know and it's, you know, not everything's easy in marriage, especially after you know 20, 21, 30, 40 years, whatever it is, but it's. I do feel like it gets easier though. Yeah, are you?

Beau Woodward:

talking about like from a second. I do feel like from marriage standpoint, I do feel like it starts to get easy. The first 10 years were tough and then ever since then it's kind of slowly getting easier. But if you throw sex out the door then it definitely gets harder quickly. Yeah, and I feel like sex is a little bit like reading your bible, you know, like to some extent, the more you do it, the easier it gets write that down, everybody write that down, the more you enjoy it.

Jennifer Woodward:

Oh man, that's true, I like, I like that analogy and it really is true. So that would be like our encouragement to you guys, if you're listening to this, as, as a couple you know it is super important for the stability of your relationship, even if one of you or both of you is struggling with the libido. Like there are so many ways that we've talked about increasing hormonal health already on the show. There's more to come, but for both of you. You know, bo and I really try to eat a healthy diet. Like he barbecues meat for me three, four, sometimes five times a week. Like our kids are, are big on getting that hormone balancing animal protein. Sometimes people have problems with.

Jennifer Woodward:

You know, barbecuing meat or grilling meats are like well it increases carcinogens and I'm like, well, how can something that's been done for the last 6,000 to 10,000 years be bad for you? It's not right. So I don't want you to worry about, like you know, grilling your meat or even eating animal products. Those are so, so good and foundational and ancestral for the hormonal health not only of the woman but for the man right, obviously, there are people, for whatever issue, that can't eat animal products and then completely fine, like I respect that. But if you are really trying to work on your hormonal health and you're really trying to, like you know, bolster your relationship, help. I would just encourage you to do your own research to see you know how and why animal products could benefit you and my practice.

Jennifer Woodward:

I asked my woman to eat at least animal protein every day. I just sat down with my 18 year old son. He's 230 pounds. He's supposed to be getting at least 200 grams of protein a day and he actually is. I couldn't believe it. We were talking about it and I was like Jackson, you're actually eating a really great diet. Your macronutrients look good. Your micronutrients look good. I'm so proud of you. Like, how do you do that? He's like well, you're my mom.

Beau Woodward:

And that made me smile.

Beau Woodward:

I think we see it also with our daughter, rebecca, you know, and in the last few months she hasn't been eating as healthy and her skin is not as clean as it usually is and her temperament and patience and her normal kind of delightful personality has definitely soured a fair bit.

Beau Woodward:

And we see it with Roman as well, number three kid when he's not eating a balanced, nutritious diet, then his skin falls apart and he gets much more irritable and much more fragile. You know and it's definitely true for adults, even more so in my, in my experience you know, if you have unhealthy habits with what you consume, whether that's food or drink, then your hormonal balance is going to be off, your body is going to struggle, you're going to probably be a little more sickly and then on top of that, emotionally and in terms of your relationships, you're going to struggle a lot more. And you can look at extremes very easily alcoholism or whatever. But you know that's just a bigger picture of what goes on at a micro level when you're just a little bit out of whack because you want to eat fast food all the time or whatever. You know your crutches that you have.

Jennifer Woodward:

I think that's a great point too, because this shows obviously focused on women and we're talking about women's hormonal health. But there are two people in a relationship. So if the woman is trying to get healthy and balance her hormones and eating really well and exercising and trying to sleep well, and she feels like maybe her partner is not necessarily being supportive in that area, it can definitely be a detriment and a source for, you know, some bitterness and frustration. So I think our encouragement to you know the men out there is to not change everything, but pick a few things where you feel like you can really support your partner. Well, can you, you know, get plenty of protein? Can you go for a walk with her, you know? Can you plan a small trip every now and then? Can you be a little bit more empathetic about her day and not try to fix everything, but just listen. You know these are these are basic kind of relational, you know, tenants, things that will help any relationship.

Jennifer Woodward:

But they do become a little bit more important in perimenopause and there's you know, just really quickly to throw that out there we have perimenopause and then menopause, which is the cessation of, you know, your menstrual cycle after 12 months. But there's a corollary in men called andropause, where their testosterone levels will start to decline so they can feel, you know, less manly, they can feel like their libido is tanky and they can feel like they're putting on weight, but they're less energetic, but they're not sleeping well. And so you know, if two people are going through those hormonal changes at the same time, it can be a recipe for disaster. So going back to the basics of eating plenty of protein, of getting outside, of prioritizing sleep, of having clear and consistent and respectful communication, can go a long way.

Beau Woodward:

as the two of you are struggling through some of these hormone changes, I think also, I would add, you know, to compliment that from a relationship standpoint, it's incredibly beneficial to have some friends and some healthy relationships with friends that you are close to and can be around on a weekly basis and spend time together and live life together with those people, because it gives you perspective. You remember that it's not just a dogfight between you and your wife and you're going it alone against the world. You get to live life with others and be praying for them and encouraging them and watching their kids, you know, ride the roller coaster of the teenage years and high school and college and empty nest syndrome and just all those things that most people are experiencing in this phase of life, the perimenopause phase. You know it's helpful to have others to do that with and kind of encourage one another and hopefully bless each other through your relationship. You know.

Jennifer Woodward:

So true, so true. I think by nature I am more outgoing and more you know of an extrovert, but in my perimenopausal years I have gotten a little bit more introverted. One of my best friends gave me a, a doormat that says welcome, please leave by nine. I love entertaining, I love having people over, but then I also get sleepy really early. So having a good, you know, group of friends, you're so right, like just a shout out to our cost, amigos, we've got a group of great friends that it's just six of us. We're, we're small, we're intimate.

Jennifer Woodward:

We've been friends, you know, for for quite some time, because of our kids, and we traveled together and we, you know, break bread together and we, like you said, pray for each other and encourage each other, and it is a huge part of our life and I think if we didn't have that, things would look a little bit more grim and dismal because we, you know, are only relating to each other and not those around us.

Jennifer Woodward:

So, you know, taking that leap of faith and inviting other people into your life and your problems and your issues and your joys can be so beneficial, you know, not just for you but for your entire family. So I love that you brought that up. It's very ancestral too. You know that we live in community. It's very much a new thing, you know, that people are so individualistic and feel like they have to exist as an individual, whereas generations ago, you know, we were all living together in community and we didn't have a lot of the issues and problems that we have now, like emotional and, you know, mental issues, because we were sharing each other's burdens, which we're called to do.

Beau Woodward:

So you know, that's a, like you said, kind of a macrocosm of that microcosm of a husband wife relationship, and I think that could be a really helpful way of, you know, helping a woman balance out her stresses and hormones and perimenopause, yeah, I think you know also, when you're kind of isolated cause you don't have friends, it's very tempting to struggle with being selfish and just doing everything from a selfish perspective, and that's obviously to some extent catastrophic in a marriage like forces you to share your life as opposed to thinking about yourself. You're also thinking about your friends and their kids and you know, trying to help them whenever they're going through difficulty, and you have other people to celebrate things with when they have you know great things happening in their life and it pushes you to be more outwardly focused instead of inwardly focused in a kind of selfish way. So I think there's just so many benefits, but you know great, great, love it.

Jennifer Woodward:

Well, let's go ahead and wrap up. You know, one of the encouragements I would have toward women out there is don't make any relationship decisions three to five days before your period. I remember standing at my kitchen sink doing dishes after dinner with my sister and complaining about you Like he's so selfish, she's such a jerk, blah, blah, blah. And my sister is like, are you about to start your period? I was like, oh yeah, I am. And you know, three days later I'm totally fine and you're great again. So that is my encouragement.

Jennifer Woodward:

It's probably not you, it's probably not him, it's probably your hormones. So your responsibility, you know, as a, as a woman, is to go in and start balancing your hormones, you know, responsibly, so that you can be that wife and mom and you know professional, that you want to be Right. And, like I said, don't make any major decisions a couple of days before your period. Aside from that, just push into that relationship you know that you have are. You know relationships are a gift. They really are, and I'm so grateful to the Lord for you, bo, for you know all of your patients and your understanding. We've been through a lot of hard times. We've been through a lot of amazing times. I would choose to do it with no one else. You are, you know, my earthly rock and I just freaking adore you. So thank you for being my first guest on the show today. Hopefully we didn't get too sappy. Do you have any closing thoughts on perimenopause, for you know, spouses and partners?

Beau Woodward:

Uh, you know. I think that my advice would be to remember that you know you're for one another. You both win together. You both lose together.

Beau Woodward:

You know there's no winning when you're fighting, and a lot of times arguments feel like they can take that sort of context of one person trying to win against the other, and there is just no winning in an argument between spouses. So I would encourage people to remember that you're only going to win together, and when you fight each other, there's not going to be any winning. So I think I would also add that trusting in the Lord will always help you the most, because the Lord will never let you down, even when your spouse does. And ultimately, when your spouse lets you down, it's probably in some silly little way. That doesn't really matter, because you're being selfish, which I know is true for me most of the time. So I'm very thankful for you having me on your show, jenny, and I love you very much and I think you do a great job and it's fun to watch you work and to get to be a part of it. So thanks for having me.

Jennifer Woodward:

Thanks for being here. All right, you guys. Thank you for listening. We hope you guys enjoyed this show. We look forward to seeing you on the next episode of the Perry Menopause Show. Have we look forward to seeing you on the next episode of the perimenopause show. Have a wonderful day. Well, that's a wrap for today's episode.

Jennifer Woodward:

I hope you enjoyed our candid chat about perimenopause the good, the challenging and everything in between. If you found this episode as enlightening and entertaining as I did, be sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss a dose of perimenopausal realness. Before you go, remember that you're not alone in this journey. We're building a community of kick-ass women embracing the changes and supporting each other. Connect with us on social media, share your stories and let's keep this conversation going. And hey, if you have a burning question, a topic you'd love us to tackle, or just wanna say hello, shoot us a message. Your feedback keeps this podcast fueled. And fabulous. Thanks for hanging out with us today. Until next time, take care, stay fabulous and remember perimenopause is just another chapter in the adventure of being a woman. Catch you on the flip side.